Laughter Chasing Fear

It started out so small, she just keep adding brick by brick After all, they say “Rome wasn’t built in a day,” and what she did isn’t some trick It has taken sweet, careful time to fortify this place Arrows cannot penetrate, stones cannot crush, nothing will make her lose face Once upon a time it was sweet and open, gates never barred Everything changed the day hurt and pain made each breath so hard The exterior didn’t always match what grew inside She cant exactly undo what happens when that perfect part of her died Reality fades into such an intricately written play Full of many veiled thoughts and emotions too deep for the light of day No spec in time can really mark when it all began Her heart needed protection in a way nothing else can Let the walls come up and block out all this world could do Let secrets stay buried knowing there’s no way through It gets easier to embody the okay and the fine Because she isn’t going to let anyone ...

You know that quote that goes something like this..."l ife is not measured by the number  of breaths  we  take ,  but  by the  moments that take our breath away" thats kind of what its like for me when God speaks to me. No, it is not a deeply romantic feeling, rather, its like the wind getting knocked out of you except it starts in your gut and then moves everywhere else. You see, Jesus did this insane thing before He died and it has hit my heart a lot over the last few years and this morning it happened again... The night before He was killed He went to a garden and prayed with some of His people. It was not your typical bless the food kind of thing, but one that lead to bloody tears. I think we often forget that although Jesus was God all the way, He was human all the way too. He knew death was coming for Him, torture was coming and He did this human thing, He asked for another way. He asked God if there was another way redemption could happen for all ...

The date: July 19, 2014 The occasion: My best friend’s wedding We were about to take pictures and there was a certain guest leaving that I had to see. I rushed outside and found her, and she looked at me and asked the one question I was not prepared for… “How has this been for your heart?” You see, this was not the first wedding I had been a part of, and it certainly has not been the last. Each one is different, filled with bits and pieces of the two souls that are joined together. I have loved every one. I have been single in the midst of every one. It was not until that day when I was asked a question I had been dreading for years that I began to understand how the Lord had been so faithful throughout this season of my life. Marriage is the first institution created by God. Genesis 2:24-25 reads this way, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked a...

Ever since I can remember I have always loved to hear stories. Perhaps that is in part why I am so drawn to a good movie, the story that is told in such a short amount of time and the way it speaks directly to the heart in a myriad of ways. Whether its the set up to a good joke or the recalling of an adventure in another place, there you will find me wide eyed and glued until the end. But what started to happen as I got older did not make much sense. Those stories really began to change. No one really told as many anymore. Often times what used to be hours of listening ears and open hearts lessened to this hurried, diminished space. Another foreign entity began to creep in and it had many names... fear, doubt, shame, lies, burden, pain. So, many of the stories went along through life, unspoken and untold. The more it happened the more I wanted to know why and if there was ever anything that could change this once life giving pastime. As I grew up, meeting people from all sorts of p...

Ive had these words floating around in my head for weeks now, knowing they were weighty, hearing them over and over again, trying to understand why they lingered, and just a handful of minutes ago I realized the answer... but it was as the words came to life and demanded my heart and my action. I dont know how you feel about breakfast tacos but your girl is a major fan... and Fort Worth, TX has some pretty great spots for this kind of thing. Thats where I was this morning, sitting across from a sister in Christ early in the morning. Laughing about our lives and commenting on the beautiful sunny view we sat in front of... then over a few breakfast tacos and some coffee steaming out of our paper cups, we started asking the hard questions. Wounds often run deeper than we care to admit, or perhaps that we even realize. They bring back old habits and fears we thought we conquered or even didnt quite have before. She let me hear about those things, and right in the middle told me abou...

In the darkness of night when I try to get some form of rest, sometimes all I can really say to God is, "I want to see you. I want to hear you." Because a dressed up phrase seems to fall silent at this point, and I simply cant find any more of a way to explain an ache I always seem to feel. A small moment of confession comes: "Lord, I know this ache is really for you." I always quickly assume the ache is what resounds of an unrelenting desire to be worthy, valued, and for a few moments to somehow be enough. Perhaps the ache is really a deep hearts desire to be wanted and pursued. Because the answer is "yes" to all that continue to look at my singleness and ask with the sympathetic head tilt, "Dont you want to be married?" Dare I say the aching desire to simply be thought of or considered, remembered in a moment when even the smallest words of encouragement can truly go a longer way than realized. Anything sound pathetic yet? Yeah, theres t...

I was driving to the Christmas production my church was having. Done with finals, last show of the week, and then some much needed down time. So, I dont remember what was playing on the radio or what all was going on around me, but I heard this whisper. Subtle, soft, but clearer than anything I had come across my ears in a while... "I killed Christ, the least I could do after that is give Him my life in return." Funny thing is I could hardly catch my breath after that, not so great for operating a vehicle Im sure. Over and over again I kept hearing those words, like having a song on repeat but you cant seem to make that skip button work anymore... "I killed Christ...I killed Christ... I killed Christ." Still as clear and as audible as the first time. Walking into church that night I didn't really know what to do with this murderous thought that kept coming to my mind. Over the past week different moments have brought it back to mind. Pondered for minutes c...