Laughter Chasing Fear

I was driving to the Christmas production my church was having. Done with finals, last show of the week, and then some much needed down time. So, I dont remember what was playing on the radio or what all was going on around me, but I heard this whisper. Subtle, soft, but clearer than anything I had come across my ears in a while... "I killed Christ, the least I could do after that is give Him my life in return." Funny thing is I could hardly catch my breath after that, not so great for operating a vehicle Im sure. Over and over again I kept hearing those words, like having a song on repeat but you cant seem to make that skip button work anymore... "I killed Christ...I killed Christ... I killed Christ." Still as clear and as audible as the first time. Walking into church that night I didn't really know what to do with this murderous thought that kept coming to my mind. Over the past week different moments have brought it back to mind. Pondered for minutes c

I have always wanted God to move in huge ways in my life. Like as in, "wow can you believe what just happened? That is such a Jesus holy moment and it has to be displayed because I mean come on!!!" Yeah, real thoughts. But God has this incredible sense of irony and humor in my life, where instead these tiny, infinitesimal moments or words or happenings come and God's response to my sense of what I think is best is, "No. Here is how I am going to show up in your life to humble your spirit and remind you that I am active and present in ALL things." So it came as no surprise that while I was listening to this KILLER message about kindness and goodness as a part of the fruit of the Spirit, instead of giving me these life altering lessons and huge wrecked heart realities, God whispers in the last 60 seconds of the message one piece of truth "its My kindness that leads to repentance." The specific passage reading as follows: Romans 2:1-4 "Therefore y

Jesus I have been taught all my life that you were God, that you were His Son, that you being God came to earth to die on a cross for me, and that was the point of everything that you ever did. But the thing is.... I don't get how you could have possibly done that.  How did you look at a woman at a well and knowing every sin, every single thing that she has ever done wrong look at her and offer her life? How in the moment where your friend had been dead for 4 days, how did you ask him to walk to you? How did you pray a prayer for us and told God that His will was more important, that what He wanted was more important? How did you hang on that cross and at the same time sustain the hand that drove the nails into yours? How did you look up and in the midst of being utterly forsaken, ask the Father for their forgiveness? I don't know how you could do that, how in the world did you do all of that and look at me, and say, that you wanted me, that you were still willin