at least (MY) bondage is familiar
Im not perfect in the slightest.
In fact, if were going to be honest I choose to make the wrong choices a lot. There are a lot of things that in all sincere reality I know are not good for me and I make choices to move towards them.
I wrap myself in fear and insecurity.
I seek after and strive for this perfection and a benchmark of a job well done or one that will be enough to be called good, or even great.
I give reign to a thought life that controls me at every turn, consumes me to the point of starting to forget who I really am.
I do think there is this idea of a Christian as someone who has it all together and is inching close to perfection, that they don't really do wrong and if we do then because God loves us then that makes it all okay.
Well, that isn't true. It isn't okay. And I am a Christian who doesn't have it all together.
I went to a conference and expected to hear all of these amazing things that inspire my heart to faith and goodness, which I did hear, but what stuck out more thank anything was this truth:
"At least bondage is familiar…" -Jen Hatmaker
It rang in my ears louder than what I could silence. Nothing about me wanted to admit the depth of truth in that statement. Because that is what I did. I have made a home to my own bondage. I welcome it as a familiar friend. The chains become a weight I don't mind carrying and the walls of this home provide some sort of protection right? Why would I leave the "comfort" here? Sure it isn't the brightest place and sometimes it hurts, but its safe here isn't it? How would that be possible?
This same conference was centered around the book of Joshua and the Israelites, God's chosen people, had escaped their bondage and were about to enter the promise land God had for them. Only they looked out in front of them and were too afraid of the battle they faced to take hold of this promise. You see, they had spent hundreds of years in actual slavery to the Egyptians. It was "familiar" to them, it was "safe" and even with God's promise fulfillment staring at them, they wanted to run backwards…
I get them. I really do.
Because to step out and take hold of a promise that God gives, that requires leaving the familiar. It demands taking my hands off of whatever I have held and clung to. And dear friends, that is wrapped up in a mountain of fear and scary things… Heres the thing though…Here is what God says about His people.
"But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." Isaiah 43:1-3a
The funny thing about bondage is you always have to trade something for it. The biggest price to pay is freedom. Why would I stay in bondage when there is a freedom to be found in God? The answer is really simple, fear. Because what if everything bad that I ever thought of in this mind of mine comes true? What then?
What then? Then GOD.
My answer was simple. It was straightforward. It didn't have sub points or a 12 step plan to follow.
It was going to require all of me, a surrender like never before. I am not entirely sure how this is going to work. I am not sure what is going to happen in the coming days.
All I know is that Jesus offered me freedom, offered me a promise as His daughter and continuing to make this my home when he has already given me one that far surpasses anything I could build or manifest on my own, nothing will ever be enough here. I have to step out and move forward.
Yes, Im still scared at times. Yes, I am doing this imperfectly and with a faith that is so very tiny right now. Yes, I am still a mess that does not have it all together.
And yes, God has granted me freedom, promise, love, redemption. I am walking away now to live a life with a different kind of familiar…
His life for me, that promise land is my home.
In fact, if were going to be honest I choose to make the wrong choices a lot. There are a lot of things that in all sincere reality I know are not good for me and I make choices to move towards them.
I wrap myself in fear and insecurity.
I seek after and strive for this perfection and a benchmark of a job well done or one that will be enough to be called good, or even great.
I give reign to a thought life that controls me at every turn, consumes me to the point of starting to forget who I really am.
I do think there is this idea of a Christian as someone who has it all together and is inching close to perfection, that they don't really do wrong and if we do then because God loves us then that makes it all okay.
Well, that isn't true. It isn't okay. And I am a Christian who doesn't have it all together.
I went to a conference and expected to hear all of these amazing things that inspire my heart to faith and goodness, which I did hear, but what stuck out more thank anything was this truth:
"At least bondage is familiar…" -Jen Hatmaker
It rang in my ears louder than what I could silence. Nothing about me wanted to admit the depth of truth in that statement. Because that is what I did. I have made a home to my own bondage. I welcome it as a familiar friend. The chains become a weight I don't mind carrying and the walls of this home provide some sort of protection right? Why would I leave the "comfort" here? Sure it isn't the brightest place and sometimes it hurts, but its safe here isn't it? How would that be possible?
This same conference was centered around the book of Joshua and the Israelites, God's chosen people, had escaped their bondage and were about to enter the promise land God had for them. Only they looked out in front of them and were too afraid of the battle they faced to take hold of this promise. You see, they had spent hundreds of years in actual slavery to the Egyptians. It was "familiar" to them, it was "safe" and even with God's promise fulfillment staring at them, they wanted to run backwards…
I get them. I really do.
Because to step out and take hold of a promise that God gives, that requires leaving the familiar. It demands taking my hands off of whatever I have held and clung to. And dear friends, that is wrapped up in a mountain of fear and scary things… Heres the thing though…Here is what God says about His people.
"But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." Isaiah 43:1-3a
The funny thing about bondage is you always have to trade something for it. The biggest price to pay is freedom. Why would I stay in bondage when there is a freedom to be found in God? The answer is really simple, fear. Because what if everything bad that I ever thought of in this mind of mine comes true? What then?
What then? Then GOD.
My answer was simple. It was straightforward. It didn't have sub points or a 12 step plan to follow.
It was going to require all of me, a surrender like never before. I am not entirely sure how this is going to work. I am not sure what is going to happen in the coming days.
All I know is that Jesus offered me freedom, offered me a promise as His daughter and continuing to make this my home when he has already given me one that far surpasses anything I could build or manifest on my own, nothing will ever be enough here. I have to step out and move forward.
Yes, Im still scared at times. Yes, I am doing this imperfectly and with a faith that is so very tiny right now. Yes, I am still a mess that does not have it all together.
And yes, God has granted me freedom, promise, love, redemption. I am walking away now to live a life with a different kind of familiar…
His life for me, that promise land is my home.
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