A God I CANT See

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In the darkness of night when I try to get some form of rest, sometimes all I can really say to God is, "I want to see you. I want to hear you." Because a dressed up phrase seems to fall silent at this point, and I simply cant find any more of a way to explain an ache I always seem to feel.

A small moment of confession comes:
"Lord, I know this ache is really for you."

I always quickly assume the ache is what resounds of an unrelenting desire to be worthy, valued, and for a few moments to somehow be enough. Perhaps the ache is really a deep hearts desire to be wanted and pursued. Because the answer is "yes" to all that continue to look at my singleness and ask with the sympathetic head tilt, "Dont you want to be married?" Dare I say the aching desire to simply be thought of or considered, remembered in a moment when even the smallest words of encouragement can truly go a longer way than realized.

Anything sound pathetic yet? Yeah, theres that whisper too.  (She's obviously way too much to deal with).

Searching. Wondering. Asking. Desiring. Longing.

Jesus answered it all real quick:
"I know you have these desires but you will have to surrender them. And what will be there is far better than any tangible reality you could ever have."

You see, what happens when I ask God to fill an intangible ache with tangible things?
That specific "anything" that I am so sure will make me worthy, valued, enough, desired, wanted, pursued, considered, remembered (attach any other one that fits)..... does it fill and satisfy?

No, not really, if I get real honest with myself, and you with yourself too.
The ache, in its very core, will always be for a God that I cannot see.

You see, what happens when I confess my need and ask God to fill an intangible ache with the fullness of Himself, infinite, and unable to look at with my eyes and touch with my hands?
Its actually everything I have ever wanted and desired. Nothing stained with tears of past hurts and unfulfilling present realities, or the future drawing my gaze that seems to stay on the horizon forever. Submitting my humanity, all those desires,  in return for what He offers me in Christ is the answer to the ache and the cry.

He is the enough, the worthy, the value, the want and desire. Do you know anything about this intangible ache?

Its for God.







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