TRUTH I found at a GATHERING
Most of the time, my life is one hot mess…
And so when I make any kind of big, solid decision its a bigger deal than I care to admit (remember, still a hot mess over here)
About a month ago I decided to take a leap, and go visit a seminary that is in Kentucky. It isn't a hop, skip, and a jump away, so a plan had to be made. As all of the details were coming together, I began to be hopeful, that maybe after that weekend more of life would be figured out and I would get a glimpse of God's plan being worked out. But, life is messy and as the weekend approached, life happened and the trip came to a halt. It could have been half thrown together and happened, but I had to make a hard decision, to let go of my need for answers and control, and release it to God.
Well…. the hot mess came to surface in a whole new way.
Nothing about me had it together that night. What was simply plans changing, turned into a deep struggle with an insecure future and a heart that needs (wants) to have all the answers. In crying out to God I didn't understand, and still praising his name in the midst of the tears was one of the hardest things I had done in a while. The thing is, I am not God, and in my flesh and humanity, I forget that…
What I began to pray into and never expected, was how God took these pieces of my heart, the shambles that they were, and turned them into something so beautiful.
This past weekend (same one that I was supposed to be in Kentucky) I was able to attend a women's retreat at UMHB called The Gathering. So much prayer, heart, love, and thought went into this weekend and I would have never guessed what I found there. With a simple theme of "STIR" we were challenged both to allow our affections for Christ to be stirred and in so doing, stir up those souls around us to "love and good works."
A three hour block was given for every heart to spend time with the Lord and allow our affections to be "stirred" for Him.
Six stations, three hours, and my Savior met me there in a way that burned and refined my heart to a place I will never forget…
I came face to face with my image in a mirror and the truth that God delighted in me.
"My Daughter, there is no fear in My love. Everything about My love draws you near to Me. Do not be afraid of that closeness. Embrace it with all of your heart."
My deep sin and struggle of insecurity was knocking at my heart. The truth of forgiveness in full was spoken in me.
"My Daughter, this sin separates you from Me. It pulls your heart away from Me and makes you restless, wandering to and fro like waves of a tormented sea. STAND. REST. BELIEVE. I will never fail you and will always be there. You are forgiven."
With an uncertain future constantly looming over my head, the truth that God is already there and is offering peace began to sound. Surrender.
"My Daughter, your future, heart, passions… have become worries and anxieties. Give them over to Me. Thank Me. Let My peace fill you."
I came to this weekend a mess, my heart in little shambles. God allowed me to breathe and gave me the truth of rest in Him.
"My Daughter, rest in My love for you. There is a stillness you can find there. Allow yourself to be completely swallowed up in this reality."
My past came to mind, both ways I had done the hurting and I had received the hurting. The truth of the healing hands of my Savior brought me to tears.
"My Daughter, you have deep hurts and wounds but bring them to Me, to My cross, to My love. Let the healing come in My way and My time. Let it come from Me, through Me, and in Me. I am a God of completion and redemption. I LOVE YOU."
My life is an ever changing, ever deepening, ever growing story. God is writing it every day, and that is the truth I have.
"My Daughter, awaken your eyes to the story and life I am living in you today. It is a beautiful one that is thought of in ways you cannot imagine."
Right now, today, in this moment, it has been so much about God and what I need to change about myself. I think there are things I need (want) to know, to have, and to feel. On top of all of that, to come to them now. What I straight up forget is that God is outside of me and time. And that is such a good thing. I may look back on this time and see so much and understand a bit more of what God was doing. But for today, what I know, have and feel is…
I am flesh, selfish, and imperfect.
I am also a loved, redeemed daughter.
God is outside of me. It is so much more about simply knowing Him, delighting in Him, and walking with Him. There is nothing to fear in his love. There is no striving to be done. Christ's blood gave me a righteousness to wear always. The time to live these truths is today.
It is what I know, have, and feel… now.
My heart was stirred. My affections for Christ stirred. My hope to, from this day forward, stir up others in love and good works is rekindled.
I am eternally grateful.
And so when I make any kind of big, solid decision its a bigger deal than I care to admit (remember, still a hot mess over here)
About a month ago I decided to take a leap, and go visit a seminary that is in Kentucky. It isn't a hop, skip, and a jump away, so a plan had to be made. As all of the details were coming together, I began to be hopeful, that maybe after that weekend more of life would be figured out and I would get a glimpse of God's plan being worked out. But, life is messy and as the weekend approached, life happened and the trip came to a halt. It could have been half thrown together and happened, but I had to make a hard decision, to let go of my need for answers and control, and release it to God.
Well…. the hot mess came to surface in a whole new way.
Nothing about me had it together that night. What was simply plans changing, turned into a deep struggle with an insecure future and a heart that needs (wants) to have all the answers. In crying out to God I didn't understand, and still praising his name in the midst of the tears was one of the hardest things I had done in a while. The thing is, I am not God, and in my flesh and humanity, I forget that…
What I began to pray into and never expected, was how God took these pieces of my heart, the shambles that they were, and turned them into something so beautiful.
This past weekend (same one that I was supposed to be in Kentucky) I was able to attend a women's retreat at UMHB called The Gathering. So much prayer, heart, love, and thought went into this weekend and I would have never guessed what I found there. With a simple theme of "STIR" we were challenged both to allow our affections for Christ to be stirred and in so doing, stir up those souls around us to "love and good works."
A three hour block was given for every heart to spend time with the Lord and allow our affections to be "stirred" for Him.
Six stations, three hours, and my Savior met me there in a way that burned and refined my heart to a place I will never forget…
I came face to face with my image in a mirror and the truth that God delighted in me.
"My Daughter, there is no fear in My love. Everything about My love draws you near to Me. Do not be afraid of that closeness. Embrace it with all of your heart."
My deep sin and struggle of insecurity was knocking at my heart. The truth of forgiveness in full was spoken in me.
"My Daughter, this sin separates you from Me. It pulls your heart away from Me and makes you restless, wandering to and fro like waves of a tormented sea. STAND. REST. BELIEVE. I will never fail you and will always be there. You are forgiven."
With an uncertain future constantly looming over my head, the truth that God is already there and is offering peace began to sound. Surrender.
"My Daughter, your future, heart, passions… have become worries and anxieties. Give them over to Me. Thank Me. Let My peace fill you."
I came to this weekend a mess, my heart in little shambles. God allowed me to breathe and gave me the truth of rest in Him.
"My Daughter, rest in My love for you. There is a stillness you can find there. Allow yourself to be completely swallowed up in this reality."
My past came to mind, both ways I had done the hurting and I had received the hurting. The truth of the healing hands of my Savior brought me to tears.
"My Daughter, you have deep hurts and wounds but bring them to Me, to My cross, to My love. Let the healing come in My way and My time. Let it come from Me, through Me, and in Me. I am a God of completion and redemption. I LOVE YOU."
My life is an ever changing, ever deepening, ever growing story. God is writing it every day, and that is the truth I have.
"My Daughter, awaken your eyes to the story and life I am living in you today. It is a beautiful one that is thought of in ways you cannot imagine."
Right now, today, in this moment, it has been so much about God and what I need to change about myself. I think there are things I need (want) to know, to have, and to feel. On top of all of that, to come to them now. What I straight up forget is that God is outside of me and time. And that is such a good thing. I may look back on this time and see so much and understand a bit more of what God was doing. But for today, what I know, have and feel is…
I am flesh, selfish, and imperfect.
I am also a loved, redeemed daughter.
God is outside of me. It is so much more about simply knowing Him, delighting in Him, and walking with Him. There is nothing to fear in his love. There is no striving to be done. Christ's blood gave me a righteousness to wear always. The time to live these truths is today.
It is what I know, have, and feel… now.
My heart was stirred. My affections for Christ stirred. My hope to, from this day forward, stir up others in love and good works is rekindled.
I am eternally grateful.
Comments
Post a Comment