My Head LOVES iPod Shuffle

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Just as I am without one plea
But that thy blood was shed for me
And that thou bidst me come to thee
O Lamb of God, I come, I come

 My mind is like a running iPod most of the time. It really can get annoying. However, there was a time when it was the start of God wrecking my heart with an undeniable truth…

 I grew up in a Baptist church, so naturally hymns were a regular Sunday attendee. There is no telling how many countless times I have sang "Just As I Am" but for some reason those words brought new life. Ever since my journey back home from summer adventures, my life has drastically changed. I had everything in order and yet felt God calling me to release these plans to Him. Along with adjusting to life back in the "real world" this new found place in life threw me into a rather peculiar state. To say life was different was the understatement of the times, and I was one mess of a person. So many people tried to warn me that life after working at camp will not ever be the same, but I did not truly understand until I was right in the middle of it.

 From there, God started me on this intense journey of faith and trust. This was not an easy task for me as I had said many times before "my trust issues have trust issues." I expected to find out all of the whys of what was going on:
Why were things different? 
Why did God ask me to throw out all my plans?
Why does my heart hurt for things out of my control?
Why did the change seem to be a bad thing?
Why are things not working out like YOU said they would?
Why can't you just tell me what you want me to do?
Why, why, why, why, why………….?

 I did not hear, see, or feel any answers. In the process God did reveal to me on thing: "its about time you release control to ME and stop being so dad gum selfish!"
Wow. Okay, So this is where you wanna go God? Well bring it on!

 Those were my initial feelings and thoughts. Oh boy, did God deliver. The process began of stripping me of my pride, selfishness, false sense of humility, self control, and desires of my flesh. He revealed to me that my love was hesitant, walled, and worried too much on what it would cost me. My life had been changed this summer, but I was failing to bring that change home. That is where the iPod shuffle of my mind rolls around…..

 "Just As I Am" came across the ole cranium, and the words screamed at me. In the very midst of trials and suffering (much to my own making) all God asks of me is to come just as I am, and he will accept me with open arms, inviting me to come in this wretched state. My heart was practically leaping out of my chest with this realization…. I truly was "without one plea" in that moment. There was no more I could utter to God, nothing I could do. Blood had already beed shed for me and all I had to now do was come…..

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet 
trials of various kinds, for you know that the 
testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 
And let steadfastness have its
 full effect, that you may be perfect 
and complete, lacking in nothing." 
James 1:2-4

All of a sudden so many things came crashing down inside me. Being where I was had brought uncertainty, changed friendships, deepened struggles, frustrations and fears, and an overwhelming sense of not being wanted. The moment those words struck a place deep within me, I realized that I am walking towards Christ with all of that, just as I am. But now, I am thankful for it all. Every piece of my story today is what God has called me to right now. He lets me come just as I am, so WHY am I not finding joy "just as things are?"

My lips uttered a prayer of thankfulness. Releasing my heart to these words was by no means an easy task but nothing felt more natural in that moment. In the mess that I am and that certain things may be, God just asks me to come, to trust him, and let joy be brought out of adversity. Sacrificing my own pride and thanking Him for this opportunity to draw nearer to the throne.

He asked me to trust, have faith, and wait.
Stubbornly I submitted, and have had to continue to do so.
His timing brought me to that night.
Stone walls crashed down.
Joy and thankfulness overwhelmed my soul. 

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