The Wrong Answer to a Great Question

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There are many questions as Christians we hope we have the right answer to. So many situations where we hope so much that on that day we will answer correctly and a bright light will shine and a band plays because we knew the right thing. Like those many scenarios we hear of around the world or maybe even in our own country where its life or death, and if you claim Christ, the answer is death. I know I would hope on that day I would choose Christ no matter what it brought me, but tonight when I was asked one of the all important questions, I answered wrong.

As I pondered on what this coming week is going to bring into my life, a song by Kutless came into my mind called I'm Still Yours. It goes a little something like this….
When my life is not what I expected
the plans I made have failed, when theres nothing left to steal me away
will You be enough for me? will my broken heart still sing?
if I lost it all, would my hands stay lifted,
to the God who gives and takes away?

So, I asked myself that question. And in my own pride I thought of course my answer is yes. But that could not have been further from the truth. Right now, the true, deep, real, honest, raw answer to this astounding question, was no…. I was broke.


I like to think I know best, or that if I pray about something enough and see this opportunity in my head working out smashingly then its going to be just that way. The last major time that happened was my senior year of college… I prayed for many months that as a senior I would be able to have a ministry with the freshmen girls that were coming on to campus. And, what better way to do that then not only help out with Welcome Week, but be a part of a family group. Yes, I had it, perfect opportunity, it was so obvious… ha. While it was not a total disaster, and had sweet moments, it was not anything like what my "Tawnie" mindset pictured. Like that should've been a shocker…

God had a better plan
God had an answer come in the form of something I never expected
God had me put in my place real quick, both literally and metaphorically (If you know me, I say that all the time, sorry guys)

As I searched campus for a job, many chances fell through, until one day as I was perusing UMHB's site, I saw an ad for Admissions Student Worker. I emailed, went in for an interview, and was not out the door for more than 3 minutes but a call came and I had the job. Going to work the first day I found I was the only senior except for 1 guy, and who was the rest of the workers you might ask…… freshmen girls. I knew one but not the others, not a bit. The rest of the story unfolds with God granting me the most beautiful, life changing blessing of coming alongside the lives of 4 freshmen girls that year. And I have never been the same since. I owe so much to what those 4 precious souls have taught me and how God has changed my life because of them. 

Tonight, as I look back on that memory and ponder this intense question, is God always enough? Are his plans enough? If he strips me of all these things I cling so closely to and doesn't give me the answers I want, will I still find ultimate satisfaction in him alone? How do I find true contentment in him? The rest of the song goes like this…..
If you take it all, this life you've given
still my heart will sing to you
even if you take it all away, you'll never let me go
take it all away, but I still know
THAT I AM YOURS

I am a constant work in progress, and I stubbornly cling to things I think I can't live without, situations I wish would be instantly fixed or better, ideas that seem so perfect. But if I remember one thing, if I cling, hold onto, and hope in one thing…
It is that apart from all else, I AM GODS DAUGHTER
The answer will always be the same, His hand holding me
Truth that remains when all else is stripped away, God, my Provider, is there. 

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